Like This
by Tovah98
Summary: Being a hero means making sacrifices. A series of drabbles set in the time of the Clone Wars. ONESHOT Very angsty and a little gritty.


Hello! I realize I've been a long time gone, but I'm afraid real life got in the way. I appreciate everyone who reviewed my stories while I was away. Thank you!

(Also...is anyone interested in me continuing my other stories? I probably won't if nobody does. :D)

**This fic is just a series of drabbles that revolve around the events of the Clone Wars and are mostly character developing. NO, THEY DO NOT GO IN ANY SORT OF CONSECUTIVE ORDER, so don't say it doesn't make sense, because it's not supposed to! Think of them as flashbacks or brief memories.**

TITLE: Like This

AUTHOR: Tovah98

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars.

* * *

**LIKE THIS**

* * *

Being a war hero was a lot harder than Anakin Skywalker had imagined when he was a child.

Listening to far off laser fire and the dull thumps of distant explosions, The Team lays in wait, the sun casting a harsh glare into their eyes and beating heavy on their backs. Their exhaustion is palpable. Insects trill and buzz around them., and the stench of two hundred twenty-three honored deceased and counting heightens.

He never thought it would be like this.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi has developed a new-found hatred of rain.

Rainy days are the days that half dozing and half brooding in the mud of a planet he's not bothered to find the name of, his former apprentice reaches over and tugs hard at his robe in sleep. He winces as he is sent flailing against the boy's wide chest with a near silent outtake of startled air, and sputters when a frozen durasteel hand rakes down his back.

"Padme…" the boy murmurs, nuzzling the top of Obi-Wan's head. "Love….love you, angel."

He lies quietly, wishing he had the strength to yank himself free and turn right back over. The strength to angrily slap at Anakin's hands and spit out some grumpy statement as he then moves away to find a safer spot. He doesn't have to hear this. He doesn't even have to deal with this. Knowing quietly was one thing, but having it repeatedly thrown is his face was entirely another. He had told the Senator to end it. Force knows he should have informed the Council of this years ago…

He finally struggles to lift himself up, burning, exhausted limbs quaking as he weakly fights Anakin's embrace and the gentle suction of the mud. His sprained ankle gives a nauseating pang as he pops it out of the sludge, and he cries out softly before he can stop himself.

There is an immediate frenzy of stirring beside him. Obi-Wan slaps himself mentally. "Mmmmmm…wazzamatter? Master? " Anakin murmurs fuzzily, propping himself on one elbow even as his metal limb falls away from his Master's shoulders. "You….okay? Wuzzwrong?"

Obi-Wan sighs, ignoring him as he trembles, knees and gloved hands imbedded in muck.

Anakin frowns in apparent concern, eyes clearing a little. "Master….are you…are you alright? Where are you going? It's still early…"

Obi-Wan gulps silently, turning his head away before he becomes visibly upset. "The latrine, Anakin." he lies easily. "Don't worry yourself. I'll be back in at bit."

"Your foot, Obi-Wan….do you want me to help you….?"

"It's fine."

He can see Anakin's brows beetle as he watches him drag himself upward, wincing and cursing like a spice runner. It's not jealousy, it's not, Obi-Wan growls silently, trying to focus on not losing his balance. It's just…irritation.

* * *

"Oh, Force, Master...did you see...did you see him? What they did?" Anakin almost screams in his outrage, hands quaking madly. Pictures of slashes, burns and the outpouring of organs flip madly through his brain, and he covers his eyes as if that would stop it.

Obi-Wan glances up from a blood stained cot, grimy hand tangled in his wet hair. A comlink chimes repeatedly in his palm.

"Yes. I'm contacting his Master now."

* * *

A rustle of thick blankets.

"Can you sleep?" Obi-Wan whispers this into the dry, hot darkness, so quietly Anakin can barely hear it over the screams.

"No."

* * *

Ahsoka Tano trailed behind her Master, vivid, striped headtails bobbing as she jogged up the mountain's narrow, winding path. She could hear Master Kenobi's boots steadily crunching behind her even as the high winds buffed her face, and she smiled, setting her pace to the man's rhythm. She enjoyed these runs with her Masters…they made her feel like she was really part of the team instead of a burden on their relationship.

"Just a few klicks more, Master. We'll head back after we reach that boulder." Anakin shouted over the scream of the wind. "I don't know about you, but the air is getting a little too thin for me."

"Yes….That's probably wise." Obi-Wan answered. "It's getting uncomfortable for me as well."

"Huh?"

A sigh. "Never mind."

Ahsoka frowned in disappointment. The air felt fine to her adapted Togrutan respiratory system, and she wanted to have at least reached the Northern summit. Humans were so frustrating.

After reaching their destination,, Master Skywalker stumbled to a stop ahead of her, clutching his chest and laughing hoarsely. "Yeah, this was a really bad idea."

"Eh…it's good for us." Obi-Wan responded, promptly plopping down on the icy dirt. He grinned, fumbling with his boot and brushing clots of sludge off the hem of his tunic. "But regardless, next time, let's stay below the point that makes my blood boil, alright? I think I'm getting tunnel vision."

Anakin laughed again, joining his former Master with a heavy thump and rolling into an awkward spread eagle position on the ground, chest rising and falling sharply. "Agreed, Master."

Ahsoka glared impatiently as Master Obi-Wan fell back as well, smiling at the overcast sky. "Think they need us back at camp?"

"Naw. Master Vos'll keep 'um in line."

Obi-Wan frowned, puffing. " I sincerely doubt that. Useless man."

"Well, we're probably the same measure of useless, so I think it'll be okay." Anakin said wryly, wrinkling his nose at the sharp sting of the cold air. He finally glanced up at his padawan, who was standing sullenly over them and scuffing her boot on the rocks.

"Errrgh, Ahsoka, take a breather, why don't you? You can't stand there and look all peppy. Makes me look old."

Master Obi-Wan snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not having trouble. Breathing, that is. Can we at least make it to…. "

"No."

"Master!"

"Nope."

" Master, then at least can we-"

"Uh-uh."

"Anakin!," Obi-Wan finally cut in , eyebrows lifting in warning. "Honestly, you are a Master!"

"Okay, okay. Yeesh." Anakin pursed his lips and peered up at her again. "Listen, Snips. If I go any higher than this I'll pop a lung. If Obi-Wan goes any higher, he'll probably just drop dead. He's getting up there in years, you know."

Obi-Wan glared. "You are in rare form today, Anakin."

Anakin ignored him. "You don't want that on your record, trust me. So, I'll time you. Good Padawan exercise, right?" He looked askance at Master Obi-wan.

Obi-Wan made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat.

"See? Okay….GO!"

"But Master, I wanted you and Master Obi-Wan to go too…!"

"…Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight …."

* * *

An armored hand falls still on the cot's thin coverlet.

"Master Anakin….is he, is he gone yet? Has he joined the Force?"

"Just give him a few minutes, Ahsoka."

* * *

Tap, Tap, Tap, TapTapTapTap….

Obi-Wan groaned, shuffling toward the door of his Temple quarters and glancing blearily at the holo-clock as he made past it. Eleven forty-nine at night, Force Almighty. …

The metal barrier slid open slowly, and he looked around it, eyes searching for his unwelcome social call. He just wanted to sleep, why oh why couldn't everyone just leave him alone when he had down time?

His gritty eyes landed upon a familiar figure in black. "What is it, Anakin?" He already knew the response.

The young man looked up brightly, running a hand through his hair. "Oh, hey, Master. Do you think you could do me a favor tonight?"

Obi-Wan glared stonily at him, and then bent to see the expected cloaked figure standing behind his former student. He extended a hand, smiling gently. "Come in, Ahsoka."

Anakin's face brightened even more, and he clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder. "Thank-you, Master. Thank-you so much. I'll buy you lunch tomorrow, promise." He bent and pecked the exhausted, bearded Jedi on the cheek. "I'll pick her up at nine"

"Bye, Master." Ahsoka said, somewhat gloomily. She moved to stand with Obi-Wan, small, marigold toned hands grasping his billowing sleeve.

"See ya, Snips. Behave yourself. Don't bother Obi-Wan too much."

"Yes, Master."

Anakin flashed one last grin, and then loped away, a spring popping into his step. Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, trying to rid himself of the sharp ache in his left temple.

"Master?" a worried voice questioned.

Obi-Wan looked down. "Yes?"

"Are you alright? I can go-"

"I'm okay, Ahsoka. So….tea and a holovid?"

A giant grin. "Yeah!"

* * *

"Don't kill me, please!"

A buzz, a snip, and black leather boots move on.

* * *

"You seem to be warming up to your new Padawan, Ani." A gentle hand smoothes Anakin's hair away from his forehead and then caresses his jaw. "I'm glad."

The night is young, and the blue toned dark shifts with the lighting of constant traffic.

"Yeah….she's alright. Talks back too much, but we'll get through that, I think." A fond smile turns up the corners of his lips gently. She'll make a good Jedi."

"You seem to be getting along with Obi-Wan a lot better too." The observation in nearly expressionless.

"Yeah." Anakin's face falls, and he turns his head to the window. "Yeah, It's getting better. A lot better"

"What's changed?"

Padme Amidala starts as she sees her husband's eyes overflow with tears. Feel the abrupt need to speak his mind. "We're best friends now. He's…he's just all I have out there, Padme. Both of them….they're all I have. I've just realized that, you know?" He coughs, trying to keep his pride. "You have to hold onto something, or you'll go insane."

"I understand."

"He used to be there all the time, telling me what to do, guiding me. He still is….but not so much now. I used to think he didn't care, but now I think he cares far too much."

His ramble was hardly making sense to her, but she indulged him. "Why do you think that?"

"He worries all the time for me. For everyone. He tries to give me space, even when I don't need it.. He….doesn't take care of himself. He wants to be alone more than usual. We'll try and joke, you know, Ahsoka and I. Try and get through all the terrible things we've done and the fucking horrible shit we've seen, and he refuses to let go, indulge in the same…."

"He's never been like that, Anakin. It's not in his personality." Padme soothed, caressing the back of his neck.

He forgets to eat sometimes, he forgets to sleep…." Anakin paused, swallowing. "He thinks I don't know, but he has these terrible headaches and stomach cramps…and I can sense no illness in him."

"Has he gone to the healers about this?"

"Yes. They can't find a cause…."

"I'm sure he's fine. It's just the stress, probably."

"That's the problem, Padme. It's this fucking war. He wasn't like this before. I'm losing him, Padme. I can feel it."

* * *

"Only two months! Only two months and we can go home, Masters."

Anakin and Obi-Wan frown at her.

"Six." Obi-Wan corrects, holding up a holopad.

* * *

"You doing a little better, Anakin?"

"How the fuck can you ask that?"

Obi-Wan frowns down at him, peering at his wounded knee. Two cups of soup steam gently in his hand. " I can get you another hypo. Do you need another hypo?"

Anakin groans, cleaning around the huge plain of exposed, blood drenched bone. "Yeah….oh, Force. Kriff. Shiiiit." Spots dance in front of his eyes and he sways, pain overwhelming his synapses. He begins to vomit in his mouth a bit.

Cold arms surround him and hold him upright. "Profanity, Anakin."

"You know, a little kindness would be appreciated."

A deep sigh. "Just go ahead and pass out, Anakin, I've got you. Let go"

Anakin's head hits his chest. It's the greatest relief he's had since this war began.

* * *

The smell is nearly overwhelming now. The insects are feasting on the dead, and the Team does nothing. There's nothing they can do. Being a hero means making sacrifices, and one of those sacrifices in the ability to feel. All they can do is murder and smile pretty for the camera. That's their job, and they do that job well.

Anakin Skywalker never thought it would be like this.

* * *

Feedback is appreciated. :D


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